it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
Randomize
