The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
Randomize
