i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
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