After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
Randomize
