That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
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