____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
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