curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
They have beer where we have blood.
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
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