Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize