by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
Randomize
