the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
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