I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
