Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Randomize