OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
Randomize
