when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
I am one with the molecules
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
