Fine. I'll sleep in my office
She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
