Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Randomize
