You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
You left your underwear on the fireplace
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
