I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
Randomize