I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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