my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
Randomize
