So drunk its hurt
I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
I think i got beer on your cat.
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