do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
Randomize
