Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
i think we sleep fucked last night...
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
Randomize
