I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
Randomize
