All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
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