My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
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