??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
it's great music for shaving your balls
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
Randomize
