the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
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