He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
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