last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
Randomize
