I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
