when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
Randomize
