Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
You peed on a flamingo?!?
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