well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
