Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
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