i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
Randomize
