we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
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