We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
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