It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
Randomize
