that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
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