i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
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