someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Randomize
