Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
