sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
Randomize
