I looked at my own cervix.
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
Randomize
