Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Randomize
