I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
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