oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
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