Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
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