All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
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