why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Randomize
