I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
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