The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
Randomize
