OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
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