Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
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