I wish I could teleport
It's Friday. Sex?
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
Randomize
