I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
