I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
You know, be my cock's hype man.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
