i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
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