i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
Randomize
