Considering the face that your still in jail Im gunna go with no.
the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
Randomize
