Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
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