if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
Randomize
