In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize
