I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
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