So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
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