I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
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