gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
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