she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
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